Posted by: Rodney Shaw | July 10, 2009

He’s Got Legs, and He Knows How to Use Them.

I want Lance Armstrong to win the Tour de France.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because winning is what he does.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is a champion.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he won against cancer.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is an American.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is a Texan.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is an Austinite.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is 37 years old, and no one has won the tour at 37.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because he came out of retirement as strong as he went in. That is better than all the other athletes who retired and came back, including Jordan.

I want Lance Armstrong to win 8 times as one extra nail in the coffin.

I want the spokes on his tires to fan the competition with chilled air.

I want Lance Armstrong to win so I can get at least a five-minute reprieve from UFC 100 promos. MMA is garbage. Hurting people has always been the least common denominator of human existence and entertainment. It is barbaric and ungodly, and it is unconscionable that Christians find pleasure in it. (Welcome back Rome. I guess infanticide and ritual prostitution are next.)

I want Lance Armstrong to win, because last night before he went to bed, he recorded a video dedicating today’s race to the memory of a leukemia victim and her surviving family. He rode for them today. This is so much more dignified, civilized, and classy than getting on TV and talking trash. His primary reason for returning to the race is to promote, his campaign against cancer.

I want Lance Armstrong to win to shut the mouths of his jealous European critics who are still cleaning seven years of his dust out of their eyes.

I want Lance Armstrong to win because the French and the Germans don’t want him to win.

And if he wins, it will not be because he doped. It will not be because he slammed somebody in the head before they slammed him in the head in the first 38 seconds of a gladiatorial brawl. It will not be because he endured for 2 minutes or 4 quarters or 9 innings in an air conditioned arena. If he wins, it will be because he pedaled faster than the rest. . . through 21 stages. That is 21 days. He will have pushed his pedals 2,200 miles in the rain, in the sun, across the plains, and across the mountains. Today’s stage was 139 miles in the mountains; the final ascent was 6.5 miles with an average gradient of 7.1 percent. If he wins it will be because he raced with a team. (Keep your eye on all the Team Astana riders.)

So, there. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Or, for the French, pour that in your goblet and sip it. Germans can pour it in a tankard and slam it down.


© Rodney Shaw and 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rodney Shaw and with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.



  1. I hesitated the other day on posting this but was egged on at church last night to go for it.

    I commend your support for Lance Armstrong, the American savior of the Tour de France. I wish he would have had that same support for the family he gave up.

    Also, I thought this was a team sport. You know where the team supports the effort of the number 1 person. Somehow everyone seems to overlook the fact that Lance was number 2 on the team. Oh, I forgot it really is all about Lance. Everything else is window dressing.

  2. Hahahahahahahahahaha

  3. Well, Rich, I concede that you have set me straight–I’m tapping out. The reference to the fictional coach in the movie Grease has driven all opposing views from the field.

    Who indeed am I to think that the Prince of Peace has any objection to beating people for sport, for money, and for the blood lust of the crowd. Glory!

    Incidentally, my coach told us to play with class. He certainly didn’t tell us to purposely try to injure people–and of course this was a long time before I got into church.

    Grasping, grasping . . . oh where have my straws gone? Away, away, blown away by Coach Calhoun.

  4. Juan,

    What did your coach say you were gonna do to to the other football team out in West Texas?

    From Grease, Coach Calhoun:
    “Well, my boys are primed, I mean really primed because I primed them. I mean, they’re not only primed, they’re honed, honed to a sharp razor edge. And, we’re not just going out there to win; we’re going out there for glory. And, when we get out there, we’re gonna yank ‘em, and tear ‘em, and rip ‘em. And, we’re gonna take ‘em, and roll ‘em around, and rip ‘em up into pieces! And, then we’re going to slaughter ‘em. And, after the slaughter is over, we’re gonna come back here and ring that victory bell. Like we always wanted to.”

    You are grasping at straws and I am done defending something you simply don’t seem to like.

  5. Oh, Rich, I forgot that in addition to pounding someone’s head till the ref stops the fight another favored technique is to wrench your opponent’s knee or shoulder out of joint till he taps out. Either way, the point is to hurt your opponent enough that he can’t continue. How charming.

    Someone pointed out to me that St. Pierre, in his recent prefight interview, noted respectfully that he sought “to destroy” his opponent–somewhat stronger than “my goal is to win.”

  6. Johnny, No, the goal is to win. But yes, one of the methods to win is a knock-out.

    David, MMA is mixed MARTIAL ARTS (but, yes, there are some less-than-optimally-skilled men who are just really strong). However, one of the reasons that I enjoy it, is that it’s not just watching two people that know Karate fighting to see who knows Karate the best. It allows people from different backgrounds to compete in mixed and unique combinations that are freakin awesome. 🙂

  7. But, Rich, the point of UFC is to give your opponent a head injury. If I’m out cycling, I may in fact end up with a head injury, but not because I went out looking for a tree to run into.

  8. Hahahaha! I have, and always will be a fan of an athlete that truly does give back to his community.

    Rich, you are right, MMA is less dangerous. However, MMA isn’t a skilled martial art. To the contrary, it is a bunch of men beating the junk out of each other, to the roaring of a crowd.

    Coming from a second degree black belt in Shotokan, Karate is about self defense, and self defense alone. The founders would roll over in their graves if they saw what it has turned into.

    I give you proof. Here is the dojo kun, created by the founder of Shotokan Karate.

    One….To seek perfection of character.
    One….To always be faithful.
    One….To endeavor to excel.
    One….To always respect others.
    One….To refrain from violent behavior.

    Each principal is called out as number one; all work together for the betterment of ones self. Karate is about building self discipline, and these MMA fighters show nothing of the sort. They are brute beasts, who glory in their fleshly desire for blood and the roar of the mob. True Karate-ka should be able to resolve conflict without ever having to throw a punch.

    As a wise man once said; “I think he knows what Rome is. Rome is the mob. Conjure magic for them and they’ll be distracted. Take away their freedom and still they’ll roar. The beating heart of Rome is not the marble of the senate, it’s the sand of the coliseum. He’ll bring them death – and they will love him for it. ”

    Sound like America?

    JMHO….. 🙂

  9. Rich,
    I didn’t know it was about getting hurt. I thought it was about the senseless pounding on another man.

    But to each his own, right?

  10. Jordan was pretty good the first time he came back.

  11. who’s Lance Armstrong?!?

    yes, that was a joke! but I’ll slam one down just for grins!

  12. sooooo…let me get this straight….you want Lance to win?

  13. Sorry, but…at the start, the UFC may have sometimes been brutal, yes. But the restricted, law-abiding and otherwise safety-oriented UFC that exists now, is just guys that have a skill that compete against other guys that have a skill in an awe inspiring set of 3 or 5, 5-minute rounds. Want brutality/injury/pain statistics? Check out this stat: Almost 50 percent of head injuries sustained in sports or recreational activities occur during bicycling, skateboarding, or skating incidents. Good luck Lance… and volleyball, track & field, softball, rugby, ice hockey, cheerleading, and basketball all have higher injury rates (for ages 18-24) than martial arts. And those are kid-tested and mother-approved (mostly). I’ll stick with the UFC (and the NBA), thanks! 😀 ( & (

  14. Go Lance!

    If you don’t want him to win, do what Pastor Shaw delicately suggested: smoke it, sip it, or slam it. 🙂

  15. Interesting take on his return to racing. I for one laughed when Jordan came back but it is different as Lance comes back. He has a love of the sport and an honorable organization to support.

    Good article.

  16. Bro. Shaw – Amazing article. But come on – did you really have to bring Jordan into it? just kidding. I really enjoyed reading this.

  17. HAHA! Fabulous! Go Lance!

    On the other hand, wow, you really opened a can of worms up with the MMA comments. I’ve felt that all along.Like a bad accident scene, we all are tempted to stop and look… but I see too many eery comparisons to Rome and those unfortunate gladiators who stood at the mercy of the Caesar.. all to feed the blood-thirsty appetites of the Romans.

    I don’t see Christ being comfortable in that environment. So me and my house have committed to the same.

  18. You American, Texan, Austinite! We support your Lance Armstrong!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: