I want Lance Armstrong to win the Tour de France.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because winning is what he does.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is a champion.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he won against cancer.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is an American.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is a Texan.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is an Austinite.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he is 37 years old, and no one has won the tour at 37.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because he came out of retirement as strong as he went in. That is better than all the other athletes who retired and came back, including Jordan.
I want Lance Armstrong to win 8 times as one extra nail in the coffin.
I want the spokes on his tires to fan the competition with chilled air.
I want Lance Armstrong to win so I can get at least a five-minute reprieve from UFC 100 promos. MMA is garbage. Hurting people has always been the least common denominator of human existence and entertainment. It is barbaric and ungodly, and it is unconscionable that Christians find pleasure in it. (Welcome back Rome. I guess infanticide and ritual prostitution are next.)
I want Lance Armstrong to win, because last night before he went to bed, he recorded a video dedicating today’s race to the memory of a leukemia victim and her surviving family. He rode for them today. This is so much more dignified, civilized, and classy than getting on TV and talking trash. His primary reason for returning to the race is to promote Livestrong.com, his campaign against cancer.
I want Lance Armstrong to win to shut the mouths of his jealous European critics who are still cleaning seven years of his dust out of their eyes.
I want Lance Armstrong to win because the French and the Germans don’t want him to win.
And if he wins, it will not be because he doped. It will not be because he slammed somebody in the head before they slammed him in the head in the first 38 seconds of a gladiatorial brawl. It will not be because he endured for 2 minutes or 4 quarters or 9 innings in an air conditioned arena. If he wins, it will be because he pedaled faster than the rest. . . through 21 stages. That is 21 days. He will have pushed his pedals 2,200 miles in the rain, in the sun, across the plains, and across the mountains. Today’s stage was 139 miles in the mountains; the final ascent was 6.5 miles with an average gradient of 7.1 percent. If he wins it will be because he raced with a team. (Keep your eye on all the Team Astana riders.)
So, there. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it. Or, for the French, pour that in your goblet and sip it. Germans can pour it in a tankard and slam it down.
© Rodney Shaw and rodneyshaw.wordpress.com 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Rodney Shaw and rodneyshaw.wordpress.com with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.